Houston Here We Come
Chomping at the bit from back to back league victories and a recent acquittal on Indecent Exposure to Kitchen Appliances charges, the Men of Big D Lacrosse earned a playoff spot with a victory against North Dallas. The Team overcame blistering heat and an early three goal deficit in the game, enjoying the first full complement of substitutions all year. “I’m not a fan of the heat,” observed veteran attackman Ken “The Manatee” Howell, “normally on a day like this, I’d throw Police Academy in the DVD player and chill… but not today… not today”. The defense led the comeback with inspired performances from veteran goalie Craig “Fancypants” Thomas in cage and Jared “Thunderdome” Venia whose deft stick-handling sparked some electric transitions in the clearing game. “I haven’t been this hot since 3 for 1 Black Cats and Thunderbombs at my local fireworks stand”, Venia noted. “I know what you’re thinking… -maybe this guy shouldn’t handle explosives-… I don’t agree. Look, dolphins are really smart and they don’t have thumbs… think about it”. Offensively, Big D was paced by Scott “Top Cheese” Knepper and Ty “The Jeffery” Sheaks who contributed two goals apiece. Sheaks explained, “We unveiled our new ‘Duck, Duck, Goose’ offense today, and to be frank, I haven’t seen anything that successful since George W. Bush’s foreign policy”. Knepper dazzled the crowd with some slick right to left split dodges. When asked about Knepper’s effectiveness, one unnamed member of the opposition admitted that he didn’t know that you were allowed to use your left hand in lacrosse. Many congratulations are in order for the performances of first year players Cody “Hofstra gear” Solaja, Ridge “This is a totally natural tan” Flick and Keith “Weird Science” Hulen. Thankfully, some of us can retire now. Big D looks to close the season out with a league championship in Houston later this month.
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