News|Schedule / Results|Roster|Coaches|

Turning Point?

Box Score

May. 22, 2010

Like a crack addicted Tarantula on steroids, the men of Big D Lacrosse club unleashed an act of aggression normally reserved for North Korea, jumping on the opposition Houston PBR club like ugly on a Baldwin brother in the 10-8 victory.  With a sideline uncharacteristically filled with live, alert, albeit chemically moderated substitutes, the home squad managed to put together a complete game for the first time in the 2010 season.

 Offensively, the team was lead by attackman Baron “I’ll be there on Sunday” Cass who tallied 3 goals in the scorer’s book.  One scout in attendance remarked, “Not since the summer of 1992 have we seen an athlete perform beyond expectations… you know, when Halle Berry married Atlanta Brave outfielder Dave Justice… I mean, who thought that wouldn’t last?”  Mr. Cass did however provide compelling support for Mean Regression theorists everywhere with yet another missed opportunity on open cage in the third quarter. 

Early fireworks were provided by first year midfielder and former U Penn standout Alan “Sunday Morning Game?  No problem.” Eberstein, who provided Big D with an early lead on two first-half goals.  Eberstein’s dominance drew whispers that the Big D club could face scrutiny in the widening Congressional investigation into performance enhancing drugs, though one unnamed insider assured that the team’s “prescriptions” were filled long ago.  When asked for his secret to success on the field, Eberstein replied, “You just get it wet and pound it.”  Amen brother, Amen.

Saturday also marked the triumphant return of midfielder and face-off specialist Jon “The Manicorn” Rydberg, who spent the last two months of the season on the DL for chronic priapism.  Once again dominant at the face-off circle, Rydberg was a welcome remedy for Big D’s recent possession troubles.

The Preparation H Player of the Game honors go once again to keeper and break-dancing enthusiast Mark Miller who finished the afternoon with more saves than this humble scribe’s TI-85 can calculate.  “He provides more protection than a truckload of prophylactics”, noted one observer.  “I’d trust him with my car, my money and my wife… errr, maybe just my car.”  The team looks to even the season series with Austin Lacrosse Club on Sunday.