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Rusty Start

Box Score

Mar. 14, 2010

March 14 – Still reeling from St. Patrick’s Day celebration and an un-diagnosed infection for which penicillin is the only cure, the men of Big D Lacrosse elected to heap yet a little more misery upon themselves in dropping Sunday’s divisional matchup against the Dallas Sharks by three goals.

After an extensive warm-up, Big D jumped out to a quick 1 – 0 lead on the shoulders of attackman Jimmy “Assault and Battery” Bartel.  Not simply content with a positive result in the plus/minus column, Bartel soon responded with perhaps the most gratuitous slashing penalty in recent memory.  The Sharks would tie the score on the resulting extra man opportunity.

The Sharks squad was full of fight and found inspiration in the sweet lacrosse gear they were able to pick up on the internet.  When asked about the Shark decked in North Carolina gear from head to toe, midfielder and former UNC adversary, Dave “BTB” Leach responded that the opponent didn’t recall any developmentally challenged Tarheels on the sidelines during his time in the collegiate ranks.

Defensemen Carlos “Bulls on Parade” Navarro noted “We don’t practice and we’re not in shape, but I’ve got to believe that declining liver function contributed most to the loss.  We got back-doored more than Taylor Rain today, but if there’s one thing the Academy Award nominated film Precious taught me, it’s that the unmotivated and obese can triumph in America.”

Team Captain Ty “Obama+Biden=Awesome” Sheaks brought a more somber tone to the commentary saying, “I know Saint Patrick banished all the snakes from Ireland, but it looks like he may have skipped town with our ability to clear the ball as well.”

The lone bright spot for Big D came from Mark “Lady Gaga” Miller in cage who contributed… let’s see here… six plus… carry the two… a boatload of saves throughout the game.

Many thanks to the new members of Big D; Anthony Hindell, Alan Eberstein and Rick “Unbreakable” Crain for dropping the average age of the roster down below 40.