Sharks Rivalry
Contemplating roster wide retirement from the outset, the Men of Big D squandered both opportunity and presumed sobriety in dropping yet another clash with the rival Dallas Sharks. Jared “Blaster of MasterBlaster” Venia continued a violent campaign against untamed helmet flow with bone-jarring hits and colorful language throughout the contest. One particularly egregious collision at the 30 yard line came immediately after Venia forecasted a take-out body check at the 25 proving once again that he either left the restraining box early or still can’t count. Carlos Navarro echoed Venia’s physical play spurring memories of fellow Carly Simon fan and WCW headliner Undertaker with a contemplated choke slam in the second half. Cooler heads prevailed once Navarro realized that he was about to paralyze a ninth grader. Offensive fireworks arrived from the stick of Matt “last time I heard 30 assists from the midfield is pretty easy to do” O’Connell who finished the evening with 4 goals and at least one new friend in the North Texas Lacrosse Officiating community. The only thing of the field which was more fragile than the integrity of the men in stripes proved to be Dave “No Angle, No Problem” Leach who pulled up lame during a fast break in the fourth quarter. Leach would later confirm that it was indeed his hamstring and not menstrual cramps. Big D veterans represented themselves well on the evening with the return of attackman John Newton who took the evening away from Poopies and Diapies to contribute both marginal stability on offense and proof that old people while slow and dangerous behind the wheel can still serve a purpose. James “Offsides, Schmoffsides” Bartel also came through with the Team’s first goal of the game and an almost preternatural understanding of the strategic nuances of the game.
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